Missing In Action (MIA)

I've been MIA for weeks now, and it's because of work requirements and grad school papers. I've been juggling both. Good moods, bad moods, blah moods, I've been through it all.

I don't know whether to laugh or cry but it seems all my efforts are so-so. To illustrate:

In my Monday class, I got an "A-" for my reflection paper. I don't have my grade yet for my report but I'm pretty sure it's a "B". I kinda flubbed. I blame stage fright. This means I have to participate more in class discussions and to write a kick-ass research paper (my final paper). They're my only hope of getting an "A." Or a "B+" at least.

In my Thursday class, meanwhile, I got an "A" for my critical research paper. I expected a lower grade since I thought my teacher would think my topic is too girly--online shopping. But I got the shock of my life today when I saw "A" instead of the "B" I was expecting. But that's not a reason to rejoice. In my midterm exam, which was an oral exam, I got a "B." I flubbed...again. My hope is to get an "A" for my next critical research paper (due on September 25!) and to get another "A" in my group research paper.

Are you noticing a pattern yet? I get "A's" in writing requirements, while I get "B's" in my oral requirements. Urgh. I need all "A's" for future scholarships! I can feel the pressure.

I also noticed that when my teachers write comments on my papers, they never fail to point out my writing style. They seem to like it. I guess this was what my interviewer meant (while I was being interviewed for grad school acceptance) when he said writing papers will be a piece of cake for me, and that I should switch to the thesis option of my MA instead of the non-thesis option I'm in. He thinks I'd make a good thesis. Oh well. I can only make a good thesis IF I'll be given a BREAK from OFFICE WORK.

***

I wish I'd get the same rave reviews about my writing at work. Wala lang. Wishful thinking from a writing machine.

Stage fright

I'm not good at public speaking. I almost failed my Speech class in High School. I got a B, I think.

I have a presentation in grad school today and it terrifies me. I have my PP in my laptop, my notes are good, but my speech power and charm are nil.

Grad School Student Council

Someone's too enthusiastic about grad school. And it's me.

During the orientation seminar this morning, someone from the Interim Graduate School Student Council spoke about services and plans for this school year. I got excited.

Not that I was a student leader in my not-so-distant college life. I didn't even bother voting. Instead, I channeled my energy into finding books on feminism and Plath at the library. But all that's changing.

Maybe it's because it was only after realizing the hard work and life-long learning that a thriving career entails that I understood the value of education. I need knowledge and wisdom to navigate life. Work, meanwhile, is the proving ground of everything I've learned. So at the end of the day, everything balances out. And that's what I really need.

I have no plans of running for president or anything of that sort. However, I want to help. I was thinking that if there's a committee that matches my qualifications, then I'll be there. I have an idea which area I'll volunteer in. I must email the council soon.

As for my work, I feel the need to get out there. I mean, out into the world. I can lead myself. I can pretty much steer myself to work conscientiously. And when I need to work with others, I'd like to think that I can work with a team (There are occasional misunderstandings caused by varying levels of intelligence. But that's normal, because not everyone can grasp concepts quickly like me...Ok, I kid. Or maybe not. Typical Atenean. Atenean with the EQ of a 12-year old, that is).

The question now, therefore, is whether I have the courage to get out of my comfort zone and (gasp!) actually face people other than my officemates. You know, to get out there and apply all the knowledge and skills I've managed to acquire.

Someone obviously needs practice. Maybe holing up in the library wasn't such a good idea?

Because I prepared for class the night before

I missed an episode of "My Girl," you know, that Koreanovela turned Kim Chiu- and Gerald Anderson-starrer. I was supposed to stop reading the assigned materials for tomorrow's class at about 9-ish so that I could watch my guilty pleasure, but no, I lost track of time. I (shocker!) actually enjoyed the reading materials. Note that I studied for the supposedly boring class. But I admit that I was wrong. The class rocks!

Library guard is now fashion police, too

I tried to enter the library today to borrow a book I need for my class, but was promptly (but politely) turned away by the guard on account of my slipper-shod feet. Grrr. Elitista, elitista! (Elitist, elitist!)

Joke. Sort of.

First day of MA classes tomorrow

First day of my MA classes tomorrow. Of the two subjects I signed up for, the class tomorrow is the boring one. I figured taking one boring class and one exciting class every semester will balance things out and keep me sane.

However, I can't name the boring subject in my blog for fear of being found out. And to be fair, I won't name my exciting class either.

Half of me feels excited, while the other half feels anxious. My goal is to get the best grades possible. A very big part of me believes that this will be my ticket to my dreams, you know, to how I believe my life should be lived, according to God's terms.

A friend, who's studying to become a Jesuit, once said that like him, the Ateneo may be my own "novitiate." This might be the perfect place to realize my dreams. And maybe he's right. I'm learning a lot here: photography, Photoshop, Japanese, Chinese, Communication, film-making, video editing, respect, humility, conscientiousness, excellence, love.

My Basic Chinese 2 class, meanwhile, is giving me a headache. But in a good way. I am up to the challenge. Years from now, it MIGHT be THE lingua franca. And years from now, I will be thankful for the foresight that God's spirit has given me.

Enrollment done in less than 3 hours!

So...I just finished enrolling for the first semester of school year 2008-2009. And I did it in less than 3 hours. How amazing is that?

When I was in college (about five years ago), each enrollment period lasted for 1 to 1 1/2 days. Eeek. But registration has gone a long way, I see. Now it's down to three hours--or less, if I didn't dilly-dally around EDSA Walk, wondering why the heck I'm finding some of those college volunteers cute. I'm way, way to old for these kids!

Ok, maybe not too old. But still, old enough to be their big sister or something.

So anyway, I still found those three hours tiring. The last step at enrollment was to have my ID picture taken. I thought of doing it the next day, when my face is all made up and fresh and my hair is brushed to a sheen. But no, practicality (or is it sloth?) got the better of me, so I decided to throw vanity to the wind and just go for it. The result: A digitally captured me sporting a shiny face and unkempt hair. Ewww. I didn't care about it at the time, but now that I'm a lot saner and well-rested, I do.

I'm saying this because I look good in my ID pic for work. I made an effort to look nice, so I don't mind showing it to people when needed. But my school ID...urgh.

But let us not get too vain here. People go to school to learn, not to be picture-perfect. I should bury my head in my books.

On a brighter note, enrollment was done in less than 3 hours! That's the thing.

Just like winning the lottery

My friends have been congratulating me as if I won the lottery. While I have yet to hold the actual acceptance letter from Ateneo, the other thing I must ace last Monday, May 19, 2008, was, well, aced by yours truly. But of course not all credit goes to me. There's my family who were with me and who gave really excellent answers, and then there's my cousin who wished me luck, there were my officemates who did the same, and most importantly, there was God. Well, what can I say, I can now freely travel to the U.S. for ten years!

My prayers were answered. I love walking with the Lord.

***

I want to tell you about a one-of-a-kind art sale at the Ateneo Art Gallery. You should click here.

May 19 is the magic day

Two things will happen on May 19. And my day can go three ways: a) not happy, b) half-happy and c) deliriously happy.

Yesterday's grad school interview went well, I think. The person who interviewed me did most of the talking. I basically just nodded my head in agreement. The person was very nice like that.

What I am mortified of though, was the way I stuttered and ate my words from nervousness. The questions I expected to hear were not asked. As I mentioned, the person who did the interview did most of the talking. The person cracked jokes, to which I heartily laughed. Those were good jokes, after all.

The person ended with the words "I look forward to seeing you blah blah blah...." The person also mentioned classes I might want to take. I guess those are good signs of a very probable grad school acceptance, right?

Of course the person had to ask if I am married (no), if I am planning to get married soon (no) and if I have a boyfriend (no). And the person said that that's well and good since having a relationship like that will distract me. So I interpreted it as God's way of telling me that everything's okay.

The person said the list of persons to be admitted to grad school will be released on May 19. If I'm on that list, I will be very happy.

But I'll be tremendously happier if another good thing will happen on the 19th. As I've mentioned in my previous blog entry, something good is supposed to happen on this day. I can't tell you what. But it involves another interview I must ace.

Remind me to dress up decently tomorrow

I got a call from someone at the department I applied to in grad school today, saying I'm up for interview tomorrow. So...does this mean I actually passed the entrance test, especially the Math part?

Being the Google geek that I am, I researched what actually goes on during an interview like that, and the first site Google pointed me to was very helpful. Click here.

I did that after asking the person who called me what that interview is for, what the questions will be, etc. You know, silly and amateur-ish questions like that. The person at the other end of the line laughed a little, of course.

So remind me to dress up decently tomorrow, to project an image of professionalism, and to not leave my brain at the department lobby. Someone needs to redeem herself. Someone really wants to go to grad school. And it's meee!

Damn Math

I'm not so confident about getting into grad school anymore. Last Monday, I took the entrance test, expecting to ace it, but instead I got a big question mark on my head. There was Math, and the horrors I associate with it---my crabby, spinster teacher in grade 4, not making it to the top 10 elementary school graduates because of less than satisfactory grades in Math (yes, even if I barely passed the subject and all my grades in my other subjects were fine), not getting into the honor section in high school because it required (you guessed it) good Math, and having to repeat Math 11 in college or else I'd find myself out of Ateneo and into (urgh) Miriam College.**

I told my officemates about it as soon as I got to work. I laughed a little, just to convince people it's not that big a deal. But of course it's a big deal for me. I've always had to battle with Math.

So my only consolation is that I'm passionate about languages to do well in it. The English language and analogy parts of my exams went well.

But I stopped finding this fact comforting when I went to Dr. ____'s office the next day to get my recommendation letter. As I've mentioned in my previous blog entry, it's my one last requirement for grad school admission.

So anyway, I got the recommendation letter, and it had a surprise note in it. It said: "Made it, Mitzie. Good luck, be a good grad student, and continue writing those beautiful poems!"

Ack! What grad student? (I MIGHT not pass!) What beautiful poems? (I haven't been writing as seriously as I should be.) Dr. ___'s faith in me makes me feel guilty about my inadequacies.

And so IF I get admitted to grad school this year, I promise to make myself and Dr. ___ and everyody else proud! Itaga niyo sa bato!

**Well, Miriam's not that bad. I spent my nursery, kindergarten, grade school and high school years there. Except that between Ateneo and Miriam, people would normally choose the former. And don't mock me because that's the truth!

Grad school worries

First I was worried about not completing the requirements on time. Because I took too much time writing my personal essay, I forgot to ask my teacher for a recommendation letter. So I had everything but THAT. My desperation spurred me to ask for an extension from the Admissions Office. On the deadline itself. I walked from my office to that office, under the stinging heat of the summer sun, to talk to the staff in person. Phone calls can be tricky, so I shunned that.

While walking, I felt my tummy being tangled in knots. I was nervous but I had to do it. I'm not used to asking for favors, so I didn't know how it will go. I was praying while walking. I wanted the staff to be nice.

So I went there and was amazed at how easy it was. I calmly explained my situation, and quietly emphasized that Dr. ____ will give me my recommendation letter on Tuesday, three days after the deadline. I cited that specific day to make her understand that it won't take too long for me to complete that one last requirement. The person I spoke to said yes, I can submit my recommendation letter on Tuesday. Yey!

One bad thing about submitting my application on the afternoon of the deadline was that I ran out of slots for the regular testing. When my turn came, I was told that I will have to take the special test, which is more expensive. Ugh. But at least my application is moving.

Now I'm worried about the entrance test on Monday. I know I'm smart enough to pass it, even if I don't make grand preparations (ie., study like crazy). But still, I can't be too confident, can I? Well, I don't want to be. And that is that.

In the future, I will be worried about how to register for classes IF EVER I'm in a different country. I will also be worried about how to balance my classes, since I have fulltime work AND I want to continue taking Chinese languages classes. This probably means I will kill myself with productivity.